The turning point of me and Bekki’s relationship had already occurred by late November 2009. By then I was a depressed, pathetic soul, a shell of who I was just a few months earlier. While we had our good days together, we also had our bad. And it was only because of her jealousy over my past still looming in the pits of our relationship. Our relationship should have been one that’s sustainable for a lifetime given our perfect chemistry we had together, but her immaturity and my inability to be an alpha male-esque leader and take control of the situation as a masculine man was overtaking everything.
Bekki was a beautiful girl. I won’t go into the mundane, police blotter esque details, but she was fairly short, fit and curvy with long, brown hair that sometimes turned tints of blondish-brown at some parts of the year. She had blueish eyes that meshed with gray and green to create a beautiful mixture. She was my baby. Even though all of this was fucking up our relationship, I loved (love?) her with every fiber in my being and I wanted to fix things and make it all work.
She got a lot of attention from guys. This didn’t bother me (at the time, anyway), because she had always been loyal to me before. In her freshman year, she turned down so many guys, for me. I trusted her. But in her sophomore year, she was in the best shape of her life. She was involved in colorguard and was putting in a lot of work while involved. Her legs were toned, which made her butt that much more pronounced and noticeable. More and more guys hit on her than ever, and she turned them down, too!
I was no slouch when it came to attention from girls, either. Hey, just tooting my own horn. I’m a tall, rugged guy that gets looks. But I remained loyal to Bekki. She was the only person I wanted to be with. I thought I’d spend my life with her. Again, even through all the crap that we were going through over such a stupid thing as my past, I just knew we’d be together forever.
The lust guys had over her at her school were extreme. One guy went to the length of drawing a naked picture of her. It was ridiculous. I couldn’t do anything about it. She was upset over it. But secretly, I think she enjoyed the attention. Apparently the folks involved in band did a ‘vote’ for who the most ‘beautiful’ girl in colorguard was and Bekki had the most votes. When she told me about it, she sounded pretty excited over it. I was kind of let down. Another one of my lesser manly moments. Again I felt like a beta male. I kept my jealousy at bay and didn’t express it even though she’d showed an extreme amount of jealousy towards me and my past. Even when she’d tell me about how some guy grabbed her round ass on a certain day, I didn’t explode with anger, although I did say I wish I’d been there to push the pipsqueaks aside.
What a fucked up conundrum, to say the least.
By the very tail end of the year 2009, things were once again looking up. No whining from her about my past in over 10 days. Things were good. New Years Eve, December 31, 2009 was going to be awesome, bringing in a new year and all! I was excited for the year 2010. I knew it was going to be an amazing year like 2008 was and how the first nine months of 2009 were.
But it wasn’t.
2010 turned out to be quite possibly the worst year of my life. But you can chalk it up to my own doings (or what I didn’t do? You decide when you read what I write about it all).