This isn’t going to be a how-to guide on how to get over an ex-girlfriend. If you’ve been reading my blog up to this point, you’d understand that I would be a hypocrite to write something like that.
I’ll never, ever get over Bekki. It’s nearly been three years since she screwed me over the first time, and almost two years since the second time. In time, I’ll be able to move on, I guess, or at least greet the future, but getting over her 100%? Never. I miss my girl and the way she was in the years 2008 and 2009. I’ll never understand why things had to go down the way they had to.
She wasn’t my first girlfriend, but she was most definitely my first true love. Despite what she inevitably put me through in late 2009 and the entire year of 2010 (and the three months of 2011 that I wrote about in another post), she was an amazing girlfriend during that first year. Loving, caring, kind, supportive, loyal, honest, sweet, thoughtful, the list goes on… but she changed. I’m game for change, as long as it’s positive change. Negative change doesn’t make sense to me because it’s inherently unnatural and illogical.
I’ll never understand why she’s with the current guy or me. But then again, he’s there and I’m not. And two, why would I want to be there, in a relationship with a girl that’s a pathological liar and a proven cheater? Even though I love her more than humanly possible, if we did ever get back together I could never love her again. Besides, she has that guy’s daughter now. Why would I want to be with a girl that had some shmuck’s daughter AND is a pathological liar and proven cheater? That would be a bad choice. He probably doesn’t even know that she’s ever lied/cheated in the past. Therefore he’s a shmuck. Besides, she’s likely only with him because he’s either a safe pick, knowing that there’s no way he could attract another woman, or she’s with him because his family might have some money.
I shouldn’t even care, anyway. It’s none of my business. She’s not in my life anymore (for whatever reason).
I just love her and I can’t help it. I put my heart and soul into that relationship. Years of my life. Loyalty. Honesty. Love. Care. Support. We had the perfect chemistry, and it went down the drain for no reason. That’s why it’s hard to move on. And because she hurt me twice within a year and did so without remorse.
I should be angry. And many times I’ve been. So yes, I am. But I love her. I want what’s best for her. As stupid as I am, and as much of a beta male as I sound. That dumbshit better be good to her. But he isn’t me. He’ll never be me. I’m the best in the world.
I just hope she never hates me or forgets about me. She probably feels one way or the other about me.