Everybody Around Me is Getting Married — Why?

I probably would have been in this situation, too, if things with Bekki didn’t implode. I guess I should consider myself lucky, in ways, that they did implode, given what happened and how much worse it would have been if we’d gotten married, had kids and she’d fucked me over. That would be tremendous.

I have no desire to get married or have kids anytime soon. I’m a 22-year-old man that wants to go out and live his life, selfishly, before I give into that life. I could meet an incredible girl tomorrow that I’d have ridiculous chemistry with, and she might even be amazing in every way, and I’d want to wait 5-7 years, in a committed relationship, before deciding to get married. Those years would include patience, adversity, how we’d deal with adversity together and what it would be like living with each other to see how everything goes. That’s the way it should be. Every relationship should test those waters before moving further — y’know, make yourselves uncomfortable, see how the both of you react, and if you two are good at working through issues then there’s something at play. People think relationships are all about chemistry and trust, but you also need to have the mature ability to work through problems, which could be considered the number one key (at least in the top three) for a healthy relationship.

But hey, don’t mind me, I’m just a young buck trying to figure his life out, and it’s not like I’m exactly stable or anything. I’m still trying to get over a relationship that basically ended twice, in December 2010 and December 2011. So take what I say with a grain of salt, if you must.

On Saturday, June 15, 2013 I was hanging out with my lifelong best friend and de facto brother “T.O.” and Michael (my cousin Sarah’s husband that I look up to; he’s 43 and I respect the hell out of him). We’d spent that night watching the MMA pay-per-view UFC 161. That night, we were just chilling in the car, talking about life and women. T.O. has two daughters from two different girls. His current girlfriend, who’s baby momma #2, he’s set to get married to her next year and that will be a dire mistake on his part if he goes through with it since they rarely get along. But because he feels guilty about his relationship with his other girlfriend faltering, he feels like this will make up for things.

“You young bucks… in your 20s, with a life ahead of you… please, I beg of you, do this as safely as you can and with plenty of protection: get as much pussy as you can”.

That’s what Michael told the both of us. I’d never heard Michael say something like that before, so I was in “what the fuck?” mode. Now you, readers, might be thinking, “A 43-year-old dude said that?” Yep, a 43-year-old dude said that, and honestly, he’s right.

barneystinson

He’s basically saying to test the field, to go out and experience, meet women, meet a lot of women, and don’t limit yourself to one person as soon as you can. Go out, get into a relationship, enjoy it for what it is, but don’t drive yourself crazy.

Everybody should test the waters. Be loyal and honest in relationships, but don’t give yourself away to one girl if you two don’t click. I don’t believe in one true love — I believe there are several people in the world you can and will click with. Just my two cents.

It boggles my mind that everyone around me, at my age, seems to be rushing to get married. No hesitation. Michael’s son is 23, he has a son and is married as well. Michael told us about how he’s miserable with the way things are going, but can’t really get out of it.

It’s pretty interesting. Honestly, like I said, if my relationship with Bekki hadn’t been thrown away by her, she and I would have definitely been married by now, whether that’s a good or bad thing. Now? As of today, Friday, August 23, 2013, Bekki is apparently engaged to some random schmuck whom she had a baby daughter with back in January. Amazing. Speaking of August 23, this day four years ago in 2009, as I’ve written about before, was a Sunday, the night before the beginning of her sophomore year of high school and two nights before my first day of college. Feels like yesterday. So much has changed since then, for the worse. I deserve better, though, better than her. Any man and woman deserves better than a whiny, lying, cheating partner. I just think it’s wild that Bekki had the audacity to call herself someone who’s “not ready for a relationship, doesn’t know what she wants” and a “crazy person and bad person”, before hopping into a random relationship, getting pregnant, having a kid and getting engaged to the schmuck. Sad to see. She and I had the perfect chemistry before she decided to make a big deal about the fact that I’d been with two girls before her, decided to whine about it nonstop for months before cheating on me and hurting me worse than anybody has or will ever do so. I digress.

If I could wipe out my memory of Bekki and I of ever having a relationship with her, would I?

No. I wouldn’t. Because that first year with her, from July 2008 through September 2009 and some days of October 2009, was the greatest, most happiest time of my life (up to this point. Despite all of the bullshit she pulled on me, I’ll always love her. I can’t just change that like an on/off switch. I’ll always hope she’s safe and being well taken care of, I’ll always worry that she’s not and I’ll always miss her, the way she was during that first year of our relationship. And I’ll always hope that she still loves me inside. Maybe she hates me. Or maybe she’ll forget about me. Maybe she already has. Why do I even care? ‘Cause when you love somebody, you care, and if you don’t, then hey, you don’t love them and are able to feel neutral about someone.

Marriage is a lifetime commitment. I’m a “look ahead” thinker. This is what I told T.O. He’s a year older than me, but he makes some jackass-esque decisions based on this, that or the other. So many people get married just because they are in the moment, enjoying the moment and expecting that moment to be the same forever. No looking ahead at the future. That’s the Achilles’ heel of these quick relationships turning into full-blown marriages.

My cousin Winston is also a year older than me. At the age of 23, he’s been in a relationship with a 46-year-old women that has an 11-year-old son and 16-year-old daughter for almost two years now. They just moved in together back in April and I haven’t saw him in three months. I miss hanging out with the dude, too. Here’s another thing that happens to people: they ditch their friends and family in relationships. Hell, once upon a time I did it, shortsightedly, and paid the price later. I learned from that lesson, though, plus I was only 18 back then. But that 23-year age difference is fucking crazy. I guess you can’t help who you love, but man, that’s a tough one, considering that by the time he’s 30 she’ll be 53. Scary thought.

I guess I’m a new age anomaly, not wanting to marry or have kids yet. Right now, I want to spend money on myself and not diapers. Am I crazy or selfish? I don’t think so.

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