Chip Hazard

I left my Chip Hazard action figure at a Shoney’s restaurant once. I surmise that this was the year 1998 and I was between the ages of 6-7 then. At that point, it was probably the worst thing that had ever happened to me. I was devastated, crushed, hurt, felt swindled and hornswoggled.

chiphazardAnd then I got the toy back when my family and I returned to the restaurant and one of the employees had kept my toy in the back incase we came back. I had never been so grateful.

Chip Hazard, the action figure, is from the 1998 flick Small Soldiers, which is about two armies of action figures coming to life. The strange thing here is that Chip Hazard was the squad leader of the Commando Elite, the ‘bad guys’, going up against the Gorgonites, the ‘good guys’. But I didn’t give a shit about the ‘good guys’. At the time there was no cooler ‘bad guy’ than Chip Hazard (voiced by Tommy Lee Jones), and the action figure blew me away. It was the coolest thing ever.


To put it all into perspective, I was also heavily into WWF (World Wrestling Federation; now known as the WWE — World Wrestling Entertainment) action figures along the likes of Stone Cold Steve Austin, The Rock, Hunter Hearst Helmsley, The Big Bossman, The Undertaker, etc. But my favorite action figure? Chip f’n Hazard. Can you blame me? An action figure based on a character that was an action figure in the movie it’s from. Nothing cooler.

I have no idea where the action figure is today. Probably somewhere in the basement in a box with a horde of other toys. Sad, isn’t it? I don’t care what anybody says — these days they just don’t make action figures like they used to!

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