I’ve been thinking, for the past 48 hours, and wondering why in the hell I still haven’t gotten over her when it’s been nearly two years (as of 12:29 a.m. on December 8, 2013) since we’ve even had a full conversation let alone been in a relationship together. Yes, once again, I’m talking about Bekki (ex-girlfriend for those unfamiliar; see “My Past” under categories). It’s obvious as to why I can’t get over her: lack of remorse.
There’s a huge part of me that feels extremely upset over how underwhelmingly careless she was about screwing me over. I’ve been whining about it for so long now to the point it’s pathetic of me. I can’t get over how she just dusted everything off her shoulders and moved on. Hey, cheat on a guy for multiple years of his life, lead him on during that time and screw him over twice within a year, hey! No big deal, right? I guess that’s how she saw it.
The bottom line is that you can’t make people feel remorse, no matter if it’s someone who loved you and you love them. In this case, I was hurt by somebody I thought I could trust forever without second guessing.
What amazes me is that she told me she had no desire for a relationship and self-proclaimed herself to be a “crazy, psychotic and bad” person.
Yet she wound up in a relationship with an inferior (in every way) guy and had a baby with him in January. What a bunch of bullshit.
Getting over my intense bitterness and resentment has been the biggest challenge of my life. I can’t imagine letting everything go at this point. It’s easier said than done. I miss the way things used to be before her whoretastic bullshit took over and she ruined something that was once special with yours truly. I don’t think I’ll ever not be able to hold a grudge over that. It’s been three years since the initial screw-over and almost a full-blown two years since the second and final screw-over. Not one bit of harbored feelings (on my behalf) of moving on. Not even a semblance. I’m tired of feeling like shit over a lying, cheating molecular structured slut that doesn’t even deserve one second of my time or previous love.