I’ve Lost Ten More Lbs. to Get to 215!

Just 12 days ago, I was 225 lbs. Now, I’m 215. Probably water weight, because I still haven’t noticed a surefire reduction in bodyfat, but who knows? I haven’t lost any strength and, if anything, I feel stronger. To attest to that, my mom came back from a trip last night and I carried in a fuckton of her heavy ass bags without struggle.

For those of you who aren’t familiar with me, I’m a 6’2″-6’3″ man. The fat I’m trying to drop is flab in estrogen-dominant areas like the belly, ‘love handles’ and chest. I’m trying to lean out and acquire a defined shape.

As I’ve written before, I’ve barely changed my diet. I’m just eating whole grain sandwiches now, with a couple of apples in there, counting calories and keeping my protein moderately high and my dietary fat consumption at a level that will aid in hormonal balance. I guess the biggest takeaway from all of this is that I’ve increased my fiber content, thus helping out digestion. Perhaps that can be chalked up to the 16 lb. loss since August.

Regardless, my current goal is to drop to 200. lbs and go from there.

Advertisements

I’ve Lost Five Pounds Over the Last Month

Not a success. “Weight loss” is a deception, and I dislike the term. “Fat loss” is more apropos and doesn’t show up on a scale.

For those that haven’t followed my blog since the last time I discussed this, I’m around the ballpark of 6’2″ to 6’3″ in height, and in early August I was standing at 230 pounds. Now, I carry most of my fat in my gut, chest and ‘love handles’, the worst areas for fat storage in men since they are estrogen-dominant areas, especially the gut, and likely mitigate my testosterone levels. I also carry a solid amount of fat in my face and ass, which don’t bother me as much, albeit I’d like to lose fat in my face to emphasize my jawline a bit more.

I was in the best shape of my life back in September 2009 and May 2010. I was doing bodyweight exercises, lifting dumbbells, utilizing my treadmill in the basement and getting on the elliptical at my aunt’s house on a near daily basis. I was also carrying a heavy bookbag around back then and was naturally strong overall. I was around 195-205 pounds at that time. Regardless, I don’t look ‘bad’, I’m just flabby, and flab is the enemy. I want to be a beast, and look like one.

Anyhow, by September 1st of this year, I’d gotten to 228; after a month of on-again/off-again commitment to a caloric deficit, I’ve dropped down to 223 pounds, and I’m not sure I consider it a success. I’m still flabby and don’t see any reduction in fat. As for strength, I haven’t felt any decreases, either. I can’t put the blame on water weight, because I only went from five bottles of water (16.9 ounce bottles) a day to eight bottles.

So I reckon it’s a mixture.

I should increase my protein intake to 1 gram per pound of lean body mass, but I’m not exactly sure how much lean body mass I actually have, and I’ll be damned if I go 1 pound per bodyweight, because as much as I like meat and other protein packed foods, acquiring 220 grams of protein a day is tedious.

I’ll keep updating and see how this goes. I’ve been taking Muscle Pharm’s Shred Matrix. In about a month I’m going to try out the new Muscle Pharm product from the new Arnold Schwarzenegger line Iron Cuts. It looks to be promising since the ingredient profile features agents that should fight the effects of catabolism/muscle loss.

Other supplements I’ve been taking asides from MP’s Shred Matrix:
— 5,000 IU of vitamin D (D3)
— Life Extension’s Super K (Vitamin K2 for D3/calcium uptake)
— Triple strength fish oil (2 to 4 caps a day)
— Juice Plus Orchard and Garden Blends (I usually don’t take products like this, but I got a box of these for free, so why not?)
— Muscle Pharm’s CLA (conjugated linoleic acid; perhaps a waste of money)
— Coconut oil (through capsules, the oil from Nutiva or cooking)

I’m still eating in a caloric deficit, and despite the ‘weight loss’, I’ve noticed minimal fat loss (as in none), but I’ll keep on trucking forward because in my mind that’s the only option at this point. Well, one of two options: become a beast or stay flabby, unappealing and mediocre.

Temptation is a Momentum Killer

I’m 25 days into my cut and I’ve already fucked up a good bit of it. On a couple of days I’ve splurged. Reason being, chips and pizza have remained on the counter in the kitchen. Obviously chips more-so than pizza, but on 3-4 nights for the past couple of weeks a select person has brought pizza over and had it out in plain view.

A hand-tossed pizza featuring red onions, green & jalapeno peppers, pepperoni, pork sausage and ham all perched upon a thick layer of cheese? Sorry, but leave that out in front of me, and I’m devouring it.

But apparently I’ve lost 2 pounds. Could be water weight. I’m already in pretty decent shape as is, but I’m flabby as all hell, on the chest, gut and love handles, the worst place for a man to store fat considering those are estrogen-dominant areas and, obviously, no man wants that (or should want it).

Temptation is a momentum killer. I’ve gotten back on the wagon since this past weekend, but it’s been annoyingly tough. You gotta remove the temptation in front of you. No need for the pseudo-motivational talks about pushing past the temptation, mind over matter, etc. because that only works in the short-term. Gotta remove the excessive bullshit to chase the ultimate prize/realize the dream.

How to Let Go of a Past Relationship: 10 Steps to Move On Peacefully

I’m sharing a post from Tiny Buddha. I’ve had it bookmarked on Google Chrome bookmark toolbar since last March. I need to read it more often. I have to share it this way because there’s no option on the article page to share via WordPress. All credit goes to the awesome author that is Lori Deschene.

This is a great article/post and it applies to both genders, no question. All people struggling to let go of the past and move on (like yours truly) can benefit from reading this. I promise. Without further ado:
——————————————————–

“The amount of happiness that you have depends on the amount of freedom you have in your heart.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

Nine years ago my heart was in a million little pieces that formed the basis for a million regrets.

I had my first serious relationship in college, when all my insecurities came to a head. My ex-boyfriend had to juggle multiple roles, from therapist to cheerleader to babysitter.

The whole relationship revolved around holding me up. I realized this soon after it ended—that I spent three years expecting someone else to love me when I didn’t love myself. The guilt and shame kept me single for almost a decade.

I dated, but it was always casual. I’d start getting close to someone and then find a way to sabotage it.

Long after I let go of the man, feelings about the relationship held me back. I was afraid of being vulnerable. I was afraid of being hurt. But mostly I was afraid of hurting someone else again and having to live with that.

If you’ve been holding onto an old relationship, now is the perfect time to let go. Here’s how you can start moving on:

1. Practice releasing regrets.

When a relationship ends, it’s tempting to dwell on what you did wrong or what you could have done differently. This might seem productive—like you can somehow change things by rehashing it. You can’t.

All dwelling does is cause you to suffer. When you start revisiting the past in your head, pull yourself into the moment. Focus on the good things in your current situation: the friends who are there for you and the lessons you’ve learned that will help you with future relationships.

It might help to tell your friends to only let you vent for 10 minutes at a time. That way you’re free to express your feelings, but not drown in them.

2. Work on forgiving yourself.

You might think you made the biggest mistake of your life, and if only you didn’t do it you wouldn’t be in pain right now. Don’t go down that road—there’s nothing good down there!

Instead, keep reminding yourself that you are human. You’re entitled to make mistakes; everyone does. And you will learn from them and use those lessons to improve your life.

Also, keep in mind: if you want to feel love again in the future, the first step is to prepare yourself to give and receive it. You can only do that if you feel love toward yourself; and that means forgiving yourself.

3. Don’t think about any time as lost.

If I looked at that unhealthy relationship or the following decade as time lost, I’d underestimate all the amazing things I did in that time. True, I was single throughout my 20s, but that made it easier to travel and devote myself to different passions.

If you’ve been clinging to the past for a while and now feel you’ve missed out, shift the focus to everything you’ve gained. Maybe you’ve built great friendships or made great progress in your career.

When you focus on the positive, it’s easier to move on because you’ll feel empowered and not victimized (by your ex, by yourself, or by time.) Whatever happened in the past, it prepared you for now—and now is full of opportunities for growth, peace, and happiness.

4. Remember the bad as well as the good.

Brain scientists suggest nearly 20 percent of us suffer from “complicated grief”—a persistent sense of longing for someone we lost with romanticized memories of the relationship. Scientists also suggest this is a biological occurrence; that the longing can have an addictive quality to it, actually rooted in our brain chemistry.

As a result, we tend to remember everything with reverie, as if it was all sunshine and roses. If your ex broke up with you, it may be even more tempting to imagine she or he was perfect and you weren’t.  In all reality, you both have strengths and weaknesses and you both made mistakes.

Remember them now. As I mentioned in the post 40 Ways to Let Go and Feel Less Pain, it’s easier to let go of a human than a hero.

5. Reconnect with who you are outside a relationship.

Unless you hop from relationship to relationship, odds are you lived a fulfilling single life before you got into this one. You were strong, satisfied and happy—at least on the whole.

Remember that person now. Reconnect with any people or interests that may have received less attention while you were attached.

The strong, happy, passionate person you were attracted your ex. That person will get you through this loss and attract someone equally amazing in the future when the time is right. Not a sad, depressed, guilt-ridden person clutching to what once was. If you can’t remember who you are, get to know yourself now. What do you love about life?

6. Create separation.

Hope can be a terrible thing if it keeps you stuck in the past. It’s not easy to end all contact when you feel attached to someone. Breaking off the friendship might feel like ruining your chances at knowing love again.

It’s helped me to change my hopes to broader terms. So instead of wanting a specific person to re-enter your life, want love and happiness—whatever that may look like.

You will know love again. You won’t spend the rest of your life alone. In one way or another, you will meet all kinds of people and create all kinds of possibilities for relationships—if you forgive yourself, let go, and open yourself up, that is.

7. Let yourself feel.

Losing a relationship can feel like a mini-death, complete with a grieving process.

First you’re shocked and in denial. You don’t believe it’s over and you hold out hope. Next you feel hurt and guilty. You should have done things differently. If you did you wouldn’t be in this pain.

Then you feel angry and maybe even start bargaining. It would be different if you gave it a second go. You wouldn’t be so insecure, defensive, or demanding.  Then you might feel depressed and lonely as it hits you how much you’ve lost.

Eventually you start accepting what happened and shift your focus from the past to the future.

You have to go through the feelings as they come, but you can help yourself get through them faster. For example, if you’re dwelling in guilt, make forgiving yourself a daily practice. Read books on it, meditate about it or write about it in a journal.

8. Remember the benefits of moving on.

When you let go, you give yourself peace.

Everything about holding on is torturous. You regret, you feel ashamed and guilty, you rehash, you obsess—it’s all an exercise in suffering. The only way to feel peace is to quiet the thoughts that threaten it.

Letting go opens you up to new possibilities.

When you’re holding onto something, you’re less open to giving and receiving anything else.

If you had your arms wrapped around a huge bucket of water, you wouldn’t be able to give anything other than that bucket, or grab anything else that came your way. You might even struggle breathing because you’re clutching something so all-encompassing with so much effort.

You have to give to receive. Give love to get love, share joy to feel joy. It’s only possible if you’re open and receptive.

9. Recognize and replace fearful thoughts.

When you’re holding onto a relationship, it’s usually more about attachment than love. Love wants for the other person’s happiness. Fear wants to hold onto whatever appears to make you happy so you don’t have to feel the alternative.

You might not recognize these types of fearful thoughts because they become habitual. Some examples include: I’ll never feel loved again. I’ll always feel lonely. I am completely powerless. Replace those thoughts with: All pain passes eventually. It will be easier if I help them pass by being mindful. I can’t always control what happens to me, but I can control how I respond to it.

10. Embrace impermanence.

Nothing in life lasts forever. Every experience and relationship eventually runs its course.

The best way to embrace impermanence is to translate it into action. Treat each day as a life unto itself. Appreciate the people in front of you as if it were their last day on earth. Find little things to gain in every moment instead of dwelling on what you lost.

When I feel like clinging to experiences and people, I remind myself the unknown can be a curse or an adventure. It’s up to me whether or not I’m strong and positive enough to see it as the latter.

It took me eight years to work through my feelings about relationships and letting go; but I am happy to report I am 15 months into a healthy relationship, standing firmly on my own two feet. In fact, last night he flew from California to Boston, where I’ve been visiting for the last two weeks, to spend time with me and my family.

I don’t regret the time when I was single, but I know now I could have hurt less and created even more possibilities for myself if I put more effort into completely letting go. I hope you’ll make that choice.

Matt Mitrione: A UFC Non Sequitur Poem

Ah, Matt Mitrione, the sadistic son of a bitch
He’s had one too many kegs or boy, does he like a good sandwich!
On the ground, he held up one thumb
Brendan Schaub’s submission victory made him look dumb

I guess that’s the price you pay when you get caught
Schaub’s just another guy Mitrione has fought
Now their friendship has a rift
He tried to hit me with a forklift!

This post was prompted by the WordPress Daily Post and has to do with UFC Heavyweight Matt Mitrione in reference to his submission loss versus Brendan Schaub from UFC 165 on this past Saturday night.

Trackbacks & Pingbacks

  1. Quintet | Markovich Arts
  2. Non Sequitur | The Magic Black Book
  3. Non Sequitur | Mara Eastern’s Personal Blog
  4. Great Blue Heron (Daily Prompt: Non-sequitur) | photo potpourri
  5. Go Ask Alice | Just Visiting This Planet
  6. Button Factory | Motherhood and Beyond
  7. Rampant Hedgehogs! | alienorajt
  8. Go Ask Alice | Just Visiting This Planet
  9. Romantically Desperate ! | Life Confusions
  10. What the Forklift? | Phelio a Random Post a Day
  11. What The Fork! | Crossroads
  12. Men Swear | Rebekkah Mee
  13. Non-sequitur | As I See It
  14. Organized Labor Rage (short fiction) | The Jittery Goat
  15. Non Sequitur | The verbal hedge
  16. Daily Prompt: Non Sequitur | Chronicles of an Anglo Swiss
  17. Non Sequitur – The Unfollower. | The Ambitious Drifter
  18. Non Sequitur | Kansa Muse on Micro Farming and More
  19. Forking Hell! | The life of T
  20. Of Mutants and Robots | JC Bride ~
  21. Psychology or psychopathic? | Inside of love
  22. Well Past Midnight | crookedeyebrows
  23. Road kill | dawnyhosking
  24. A Quiet Day in the Country | The Silver Leaf Journal
  25. What Kind of Underwear Does Your Character Wear? [Standing Stone] « RPMAS
  26. Are you ready? | Nerdy Woman
  27. Non Sequitur, Nonet | Danny James
  28. Daily Prompt: Fork Me!!! | Iam Who Iam
  29. A love affair I have every Autumn. | ExLibrisMachina
  30. One Last Burst of Summer Color | It’s a wonderful F’N life
  31. Getting Ready | Flowers and Breezes
  32. Non Sequitur | The Nameless One
  33. Do I even exist? | The Otter in my Jotter
  34. Plans Non Sequitur? Just make it work, okay? | lifebeinggirly
  35. Daily Prompt: Non Sequitur | bloobloons
  36. “How to write better” | SueAnn Porter
  37. Dummies, Forklifts, and the Meaning of Life | Conversations
  38. Are You Doing IT Right? | Spirit Lights The Way
  39. Stop the presses! (fiction) | Life is great

You Can’t Force Somebody to Feel Remorse

I’ve been thinking, for the past 48 hours, and wondering why in the hell I still haven’t gotten over her when it’s been nearly two years (as of 12:29 a.m. on December 8, 2013) since we’ve even had a full conversation let alone been in a relationship together. Yes, once again, I’m talking about Bekki (ex-girlfriend for those unfamiliar; see “My Past” under categories). It’s obvious as to why I can’t get over her: lack of remorse.

There’s a huge part of me that feels extremely upset over how underwhelmingly careless she was about screwing me over. I’ve been whining about it for so long now to the point it’s pathetic of me. I can’t get over how she just dusted everything off her shoulders and moved on. Hey, cheat on a guy for multiple years of his life, lead him on during that time and screw him over twice within a year, hey! No big deal, right? I guess that’s how she saw it.

The bottom line is that you can’t make people feel remorse, no matter if it’s someone who loved you and you love them. In this case, I was hurt by somebody I thought I could trust forever without second guessing.

What amazes me is that she told me she had no desire for a relationship and self-proclaimed herself to be a “crazy, psychotic and bad” person.

Yet she wound up in a relationship with an inferior (in every way) guy and had a baby with him in January. What a bunch of bullshit.

Getting over my intense bitterness and resentment has been the biggest challenge of my life. I can’t imagine letting everything go at this point. It’s easier said than done. I miss the way things used to be before her whoretastic bullshit took over and she ruined something that was once special with yours truly. I don’t think I’ll ever not be able to hold a grudge over that. It’s been three years since the initial screw-over and almost a full-blown two years since the second and final screw-over. Not one bit of harbored feelings (on my behalf) of moving on. Not even a semblance. I’m tired of feeling like shit over a lying, cheating molecular structured slut that doesn’t even deserve one second of my time or previous love.

Sometimes Everything’s All Good; Sometimes, Well, It’s Not

When I think about the way she (Bekki) was and the way she used to be, and compare that version of her (2008-2009) to who and how she’s been since (2010-present), it’s heartbreaking. Especially when I think about how she fucked me over without remorse.

That’s the thing that’s been hindering me from moving on. You can’t force someone to feel remorseful, but when someone you love, someone that loved you back, hurts you and moves on as if your relationship never happened and she never did anything wrong, and only validates her actions by saying, “I’m sorry, I was immature, have a nice life”, it can cause you to feel like crumbling.

Sometimes, I say to myself in a very harsh and critical manner, “Any man can do better than a molecular structured slut, no matter how sweet she seemed. She lied and cheated on you; of course you can do better than that. You deserve better!” Sometimes, that works, sometimes it makes me feel even worse because she wasn’t like that (this?) in 2008-2009.