I’ll Never Get Over My Ex-Girlfriend 100%

It’s been 22 months and 17 days since my last conversation with Bekki.

It’s been 18 months and 2 days since I’ve even spoken to Bekki.

And I’m still not over her. I never will be 100%. Keyword(s): One hundred percent.

I’ve written about it one too many times on here, but that relationship should have been everlasting and eternal. It ended due to bullshit mistakes on both parts. My part? Fear, anxiety and disrespect (towards myself). Her part? Dishonesty, immaturity and infidelity.

I want to go back to the years 2008 and 2009 and stay there forever. I miss the way I was, and more importantly, I miss the way she was. I had a dream last night that’s kept me down in the dumps all day. The dream was about her. She was like the way she was in 2008 and 2009, giggling and laughing, telling me she loved me. I held her.

Then I woke up.

I want to be in a relationship. One might surmise that I shouldn’t be in one right now, but hey, Bekki should have never gotten into another one at her point, yet she’s engaged to some shmuck and has a 9 month old daughter with him. So who the fuck is to say I shouldn’t be in a relationship at this juncture? Problem is, the girls I’ve encountered are bland and underwhelming in contrast to the 2008-2009 version of Bekki. Unfair? Yep, but I can’t just lower my standards and neither should anybody else.

I might as well resolve to be alone for the next several years and just wait, I reckon. I’m still extremely young. I just miss having a girl to hold, tickle, hear her laugh and just ‘be’.

I miss the road trips Bekki and I would take. We could have a serious conversation one minute and laugh about something silly two minutes later. In 2008 and 2009 (before she changed), life was perfect. She was perfect. Our relationship was perfect.

I miss that. Do I miss Bekki? Or do I miss having a girlfriend? Or is what I miss a combination of both factors?

Either way, despite the fact that I am a person that enjoys alone time, I feel so goddamn lonely, unwanted, unmotivated and my confidence is at an all-time low.

Time to stop feeling sorry for myself and pick myself up by the bootstraps, but holy shit, I just want to be happy, satisfied and fulfilled. I miss having a girl wrap her arms around me and tell me that she needs me. Heh… who the fuck even needs, let alone wants me now? I just have three close friends I see merely once a month.

Right now, at my age, I don’t want marriage. I don’t want any kids (right now). I just want stability. With a girl. No lying, no bullshit cheating. Just something with two people that have chemistry, maturity and a desire to spend time together with a bond that features both persons supporting each other through the trials and tribulations in life.

Sexual Objectification

Y’know, if women didn’t want their butts objectified they wouldn’t wear such shorts. Men seem to do fine in knee-length shorts, so there is clearly a “check out my ass” thing going on here. Being offended is NOT a ‘right’.

ass
People walk around thinking they have a ‘right’ to be offended at anything and everything they want. They don’t. No one has a ‘right’ to be offended. It’s a ‘choice’ to be offended and to state so in a public forum. Being offended is a subjective thing, it’s different for everyone. With this particular photo, I’m more offended at the cobalt blue nail polish than anything else. In the famous words of Stephen Fry, “You are offended. So fucking what?”

As for women being offended at other women being objectified, well… hypocrisy abounds doesn’t it? Yoga shorts/pants, sports bras, bikinis, lingerie high fashion, etc., etc., etc. It’s ALL about how a woman looks both to men but more importantly to other women. Most women’s ‘offense’ springs from jealousy. Just my 2 cents and unadulterated opinion.

Here’s a woman’s opinion on the woman in the picture:

I’m pretty sure when she bought those shorts & put them on she was perfectly aware of what her butt looked like in them. Please ladies, stop acting so sweet & proper we all know the 1st thing we look at when we try any bottoms on is our ass. Hers happens to be pretty damn perfect. Good for her. Now, get off yours & go do some heavy squats! The human body is nothing to be ashamed of embrace it.

The picture above was posted on a Crossfit page on Facebook. I couldn’t give less of a shit about Crossfit. I think it can do some fucked up damage to your joints and that traditional weightlifting and bodyweight exercises are superior muscle sculpting methods, but that’s another topic for another time. A friend of mine shared the picture on his page and I just happened to take a gander at the comments since the nice, round ass of the woman who obviously squats caught my attention.

The Dilemma of Loving Hot Showers

I’ve been thinking about converting to solely taking cold showers for a while now. This idea was first planted in my head back in January 2012 when I tried out a shower that was barely lukewarm. My scalp wasn’t as itchy and my skin wasn’t as dry. The problem is, I love hot showers and the way the warmth feels, how comfortable it is and how relaxing they can be.

Problem is? I have dry skin and some kind of irritating case of either psoriasis or seborrheic dermatitis where I get red, rashy, blotchy patches on my face. I cure this by using coconut oil as a moisturizer and it goes away, but it’s irritating to have to use coconut oil as a facial moisturizer on a daily basis.

Cold showers can also have a solid effect on testosterone levels considering excessive heat on the ol’ boys can have detrimental effects on sperm.

But damn it, I love hot showers!