The New Monster Energy Mini’s

If you haven’t heard of them, go check out your local Wal-Mart’s energy drink aisle and check them out: Monster Energy has released packs of mini energy drinks. Same product, just in smaller cans, and I have a controversial opinion on them:

These little 8 ounce cans? I would have no problem giving them to a child (of at least 7 years of age).

But then again, I’m not a father, so take my opinion with a grain of salt.

However, if I sit here and ask you, “Which would you rather give a child? A can of Mountain Dew or a Monster Energy Mini?”, one is likely to come up with a smart ass response or deflect from the question by answering, “Neither! I’ll give them water!” But really, folks, if it came down to that ultimatum between Mountain Dew or a Monster Energy Mini, which one? I’m sure, 90% of the time, the answer will be, “Mountain Dew! It doesn’t have all of that caffeine in it! And all of that other crap!”

Well, if I recall, a 12 ounce can of Mountain Dew contains 54 milligrams of caffeine compared to about 68-70 milligrams of caffeine in an 8 ounce can of Monster Energy Mini.

Are energy drinks dangerous? You tell me. They can be, if your body’s ability to sort out caffeine is poor, if you are dehydrated or if you are a 110-pound little girl slamming back two 24 ounce Monsters in rapid succession. Just like all things in life, moderation is the penultimate calling. The dose is in the poison or, uh, the poison is in the dose. Whatever.


Monster Energy’s New Muscle Milkshakes

After months of waiting for Monster Energy’s new protein milkshake “Muscle” drink line to come around to my area (since I basically live in the middle of nowhere), I spotted the flavors yesterday, and I picked up two vanillas, one chocolate and one coffee.

I tried the vanilla yesterday — absolutely delicious. For 200 calories in a total can, you get 25 grams of pure protein via unfiltered skim milk (and what I presume to also be partly 1% reduced fat milk) in the form of casein protein as well as 152 mg of caffeine per can. This is the best thing Monster has came out with since its Rehab series in 2011. This gives Monster an edge over Rockstar and Redbull since nobody else in the energy drink business is doing this. It’s a damned delicious source of protein for active individuals, and hell, I think I could get my 62-year-old mother to drink this with a breakfast featuring bacon and eggs, because it would really be the perfect protein source to her day, especially if I get her to take supplements like vitamin D3 and vitamin K2 with it, since Monster Muscle contains 50% of the RDA value of calcium, and the combination of D3 and K2 with the calcium will direct it where it needs to go: bones/teeth. I digress.


I give the new Monster Muscle drinks a 10/10. I’ll be buy a lot more on Saturday. I haven’t tried the coffee flavor yet, but I’m drinking the chocolate one now, and it’s absolutely stellar. I love it. I’m getting ready to go and do some bodyweight exercises in about a half hour or so from now, and while caffeine doesn’t hit me like it used to (after four years and five months of constant caffeine consumption, that’s what happens), it at least wakes me up, and who can complain about a delicious source of 25 grams of protein and 20 grams of carbs at only 200 calories? It’s amazing, especially for athletes. Sedentary individuals? Eh…

Casein protein is slow digesting protein compared to, say, whey protein, so it will stay in your body for a few more hours than what you might think.

I’m impressed, Monster.

Now I can only hope that Sam’s Club will put these out into a 24-count case. I’d easily buy 2-3 cases of them.