Just a Few Things I Do Every Day to Help Me Not Give a Fuck

Reposting this from Reddit:

This just popped into my mind. I just wanted to share a few tips with you guys and gals to boost your self-confidence in your day to day life. I obviously care about a lot of things and have things that drag me down. But that’s what this subreddit is for right? A collective group of people with the main goal of not giving a fuck and achieving success in life. So here a few tips from me, both physically and mentally, that have found their place in my life and have helped (and still helping me) reinforce my self-esteem.

  • Take a shower in the morning

I don’t know about you guys but for me, when I wake up in the morning I feel groggy as. Taking a shower helps me get refreshed and also helps me mentally plan out my day in my head.

  • Pump up your favorite music and sing and dance your goddamn heart out

I am a horrible dancer and an even worse singer haha. But I just love the fact that I can be so embarrassing when no one but me is around. I think that it demonstrates to myself that this is who I am and I don’t give a FUCK about what people think. It considerably boosts my morale if I’m feeling down and I can start my day knowing that I can be myself and not be ashamed of it.

  • Have a good walking posture

For myself, this is a working progress. I usually slouch because it’s become so natural for me to over the years. But as soon as I straighten my back out and stick out my chest I feel like a whole new person. I don’t know the exact physiology around it but it really is a world of difference between slouching and a boss walking posture. The former almost imitates having huge burdens on your shoulder, whilst the latter imitates not giving a FUCK.

  • Exercise

This probably has been said a million times before but exercise really does wonders for your self-esteem. There’s just so many benefits that come from it. You feel better from the endorphins and satisfaction from hitting the gym. You have a sense of improvement in your physical body and mental framework. Finally, you’ll look better so once more increasing that self-confidence.

  • Talking to people

I used to be really shy but I started one of those annoying charity salespersons on the street (Apologies x 1000) which asked people to donate to charity. Aside from that, I met some really nice people on the streets. I found that the more you talked to people, the more you make them laugh, the more you have an influential impact on them, the higher your self-confidence will be.

  • Try to express your opinion and yourself whenever possible

Whenever you find yourself hesitating to speak up because there is an alternate opinion or because it’s awkward, force yourself to do so. It helps you overcome these mental barriers that you have in your mind the more frequently you express your opinion. Although, do bear in mind that people will find it annoying if you do continually speak your mind in inappropriate circumstances.

  • Lastly, talk with authority in your tone

Try projecting your voice a little louder with a bit more force at the end of your tongue. Not only does it make people trust you more because you sound more secure and grounded in what your saying, but it also subconsciously tricks your brain into thinking that you are a boss and that you are important.

Hopefully these few tips will benefit someone in some way!

How to Let Go of a Past Relationship: 10 Steps to Move On Peacefully

I’m sharing a post from Tiny Buddha. I’ve had it bookmarked on Google Chrome bookmark toolbar since last March. I need to read it more often. I have to share it this way because there’s no option on the article page to share via WordPress. All credit goes to the awesome author that is Lori Deschene.

This is a great article/post and it applies to both genders, no question. All people struggling to let go of the past and move on (like yours truly) can benefit from reading this. I promise. Without further ado:
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“The amount of happiness that you have depends on the amount of freedom you have in your heart.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

Nine years ago my heart was in a million little pieces that formed the basis for a million regrets.

I had my first serious relationship in college, when all my insecurities came to a head. My ex-boyfriend had to juggle multiple roles, from therapist to cheerleader to babysitter.

The whole relationship revolved around holding me up. I realized this soon after it ended—that I spent three years expecting someone else to love me when I didn’t love myself. The guilt and shame kept me single for almost a decade.

I dated, but it was always casual. I’d start getting close to someone and then find a way to sabotage it.

Long after I let go of the man, feelings about the relationship held me back. I was afraid of being vulnerable. I was afraid of being hurt. But mostly I was afraid of hurting someone else again and having to live with that.

If you’ve been holding onto an old relationship, now is the perfect time to let go. Here’s how you can start moving on:

1. Practice releasing regrets.

When a relationship ends, it’s tempting to dwell on what you did wrong or what you could have done differently. This might seem productive—like you can somehow change things by rehashing it. You can’t.

All dwelling does is cause you to suffer. When you start revisiting the past in your head, pull yourself into the moment. Focus on the good things in your current situation: the friends who are there for you and the lessons you’ve learned that will help you with future relationships.

It might help to tell your friends to only let you vent for 10 minutes at a time. That way you’re free to express your feelings, but not drown in them.

2. Work on forgiving yourself.

You might think you made the biggest mistake of your life, and if only you didn’t do it you wouldn’t be in pain right now. Don’t go down that road—there’s nothing good down there!

Instead, keep reminding yourself that you are human. You’re entitled to make mistakes; everyone does. And you will learn from them and use those lessons to improve your life.

Also, keep in mind: if you want to feel love again in the future, the first step is to prepare yourself to give and receive it. You can only do that if you feel love toward yourself; and that means forgiving yourself.

3. Don’t think about any time as lost.

If I looked at that unhealthy relationship or the following decade as time lost, I’d underestimate all the amazing things I did in that time. True, I was single throughout my 20s, but that made it easier to travel and devote myself to different passions.

If you’ve been clinging to the past for a while and now feel you’ve missed out, shift the focus to everything you’ve gained. Maybe you’ve built great friendships or made great progress in your career.

When you focus on the positive, it’s easier to move on because you’ll feel empowered and not victimized (by your ex, by yourself, or by time.) Whatever happened in the past, it prepared you for now—and now is full of opportunities for growth, peace, and happiness.

4. Remember the bad as well as the good.

Brain scientists suggest nearly 20 percent of us suffer from “complicated grief”—a persistent sense of longing for someone we lost with romanticized memories of the relationship. Scientists also suggest this is a biological occurrence; that the longing can have an addictive quality to it, actually rooted in our brain chemistry.

As a result, we tend to remember everything with reverie, as if it was all sunshine and roses. If your ex broke up with you, it may be even more tempting to imagine she or he was perfect and you weren’t.  In all reality, you both have strengths and weaknesses and you both made mistakes.

Remember them now. As I mentioned in the post 40 Ways to Let Go and Feel Less Pain, it’s easier to let go of a human than a hero.

5. Reconnect with who you are outside a relationship.

Unless you hop from relationship to relationship, odds are you lived a fulfilling single life before you got into this one. You were strong, satisfied and happy—at least on the whole.

Remember that person now. Reconnect with any people or interests that may have received less attention while you were attached.

The strong, happy, passionate person you were attracted your ex. That person will get you through this loss and attract someone equally amazing in the future when the time is right. Not a sad, depressed, guilt-ridden person clutching to what once was. If you can’t remember who you are, get to know yourself now. What do you love about life?

6. Create separation.

Hope can be a terrible thing if it keeps you stuck in the past. It’s not easy to end all contact when you feel attached to someone. Breaking off the friendship might feel like ruining your chances at knowing love again.

It’s helped me to change my hopes to broader terms. So instead of wanting a specific person to re-enter your life, want love and happiness—whatever that may look like.

You will know love again. You won’t spend the rest of your life alone. In one way or another, you will meet all kinds of people and create all kinds of possibilities for relationships—if you forgive yourself, let go, and open yourself up, that is.

7. Let yourself feel.

Losing a relationship can feel like a mini-death, complete with a grieving process.

First you’re shocked and in denial. You don’t believe it’s over and you hold out hope. Next you feel hurt and guilty. You should have done things differently. If you did you wouldn’t be in this pain.

Then you feel angry and maybe even start bargaining. It would be different if you gave it a second go. You wouldn’t be so insecure, defensive, or demanding.  Then you might feel depressed and lonely as it hits you how much you’ve lost.

Eventually you start accepting what happened and shift your focus from the past to the future.

You have to go through the feelings as they come, but you can help yourself get through them faster. For example, if you’re dwelling in guilt, make forgiving yourself a daily practice. Read books on it, meditate about it or write about it in a journal.

8. Remember the benefits of moving on.

When you let go, you give yourself peace.

Everything about holding on is torturous. You regret, you feel ashamed and guilty, you rehash, you obsess—it’s all an exercise in suffering. The only way to feel peace is to quiet the thoughts that threaten it.

Letting go opens you up to new possibilities.

When you’re holding onto something, you’re less open to giving and receiving anything else.

If you had your arms wrapped around a huge bucket of water, you wouldn’t be able to give anything other than that bucket, or grab anything else that came your way. You might even struggle breathing because you’re clutching something so all-encompassing with so much effort.

You have to give to receive. Give love to get love, share joy to feel joy. It’s only possible if you’re open and receptive.

9. Recognize and replace fearful thoughts.

When you’re holding onto a relationship, it’s usually more about attachment than love. Love wants for the other person’s happiness. Fear wants to hold onto whatever appears to make you happy so you don’t have to feel the alternative.

You might not recognize these types of fearful thoughts because they become habitual. Some examples include: I’ll never feel loved again. I’ll always feel lonely. I am completely powerless. Replace those thoughts with: All pain passes eventually. It will be easier if I help them pass by being mindful. I can’t always control what happens to me, but I can control how I respond to it.

10. Embrace impermanence.

Nothing in life lasts forever. Every experience and relationship eventually runs its course.

The best way to embrace impermanence is to translate it into action. Treat each day as a life unto itself. Appreciate the people in front of you as if it were their last day on earth. Find little things to gain in every moment instead of dwelling on what you lost.

When I feel like clinging to experiences and people, I remind myself the unknown can be a curse or an adventure. It’s up to me whether or not I’m strong and positive enough to see it as the latter.

It took me eight years to work through my feelings about relationships and letting go; but I am happy to report I am 15 months into a healthy relationship, standing firmly on my own two feet. In fact, last night he flew from California to Boston, where I’ve been visiting for the last two weeks, to spend time with me and my family.

I don’t regret the time when I was single, but I know now I could have hurt less and created even more possibilities for myself if I put more effort into completely letting go. I hope you’ll make that choice.

Life Advice From a 40-Year-Old Man

This isn’t my work, obviously. I’m just a 22-year-old ‘young buck’. But this man’s words really hit home with me and I’d like to pass on what he said. Why can’t they teach this in school?:

1.) No, he/she isn’t the only one. There are millions of people. Go meet more. Those aren’t your only friends. They are just your only friends NOW. You can make more, and often better, friends.

2.) Molehills, not mountains. Keep things in perspective. You might feel shitty because you fucked up about this one thing. In a year you probably won’t remember it and it will be inconsequential unless you keep chastising yourself for it. Everyone else is too busy being paranoid about themselves to have to remember every stupid thing you did.

3.) Chastising yourself and beating yourself up about things is useless. Take responsibility, do what you can to fix it, and then accept that you have done all you can. You can’t fix every mistake. Learn from them. Repeat them until you learn from them if you have to. So you know you get annoying, violent, or depressed when you drink? Don’t drink. You know you get an upset stomach when you drink milk and eat a burrito… don’t do it.

4.) Don’t let pride/fear get in the way. So what if those people who you don’t know will make fun of you for riding your bike as you try to get healthy? You aren’t here to please other people unless they mean something to you. That doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t be proud of who you are but that you shouldn’t let pride dictate what you can and can’t do because you are afraid of what people will think of you if you make a mistake, fail, or look like a fool while trying.

5.) People’s opinions are just that. They really don’t matter. Opinions are like lies. The only power they have is if someone believes them to be fact. As they aren’t fact and just some other person’s point of view you can discard most of them. That doesn’t mean don’t listen to advice from loved ones… but it does mean that it is just advice and their opinion.

6.) Get moving. Every day you sit there wallowing in self doubt, fear, and sadness you only make it worse. Your journey is still going and it doesn’t pause for anyone. Go out there and fuck up. Get out there and make a fool of yourself. Put your neck on the line and fail. At least you are doing something and that alone is something to be proud of.

7.) Ask for help. This one goes in line with pride. There is nothing wrong in asking for help. If you don’t know something then ask. If you can’t do something alone then ask for help. It’s OK. Anyone who judges you for it isn’t worth the time (and that is just their opinion anyway).

8.) Form good habits. Wake up early even if you have nothing to do and get dressed. Get out of those smelly pjs. Respect yourself and have some pride in what you look and smell like. Eat healthy. Learn to feed yourself properly. Help people if you can. Focus on solutions not problems. Do your best all the time. All that sort of stuff. Will, commitment, and discipline will get you places.

9.) Don’t say “I can’t” until you at least tried, gave it your honest to god best shot, and failed… a few times. Lots of things are hard as hell to do right. Stop telling yourself you can’t do it just because you are too scared to try and fail.

10.) Be patient with yourself. No one was born knowing everything they know now and things they know how to do now. No one knows everything. Everyone, every single person, fucks up. So will you, so give yourself a little breathing room.

Bonus: Last but not least…

Learn to forgive. Yourself as much as others. People will do you wrong sometimes. Shit happens. Forgive them if you can so you can move on. Holding on to all that weight just slows you down.

Sit down and write down why you think you are a mess. Be honest with yourself. Make a plan to stop being a mess, ask for help if you need to. Stick to the plan. When it gets hard cry if you have to but keep pushing on. It gets easier the longer you stick to it.

The only way out is through, friend. Good luck.

TL;DR (too long; didn’t read): It ain’t easy being cheesy.

Making Peace With My Past

The one thing standing in my way, people… making peace with my past. That’s the collective inner demon of all the pain I continually feel. I take 100% responsibility that this is my own doing, constantly choosing to think about the things that I do, allowing said things to hold me back, but I’m slowly changing this adverse negative thinking pattern, slowly but surely. Baby steps.

Image

I partly agree with the above picture, except time healing all wounds.

For the large majority of people, yeah, time heals all wounds.

But without absolute closure and/or a semblance of peace in the guise of a light at the end of a tunnel, time does nothing except exacerbate the pain you might already harbor within.

Moving forward is a must.

The bullshit ends now.

Karma is Bullshit

Positive energy and negative energy? I believe in that tenfold. How you carry yourself through your outward confidence, self-esteem and self-assured comfortability in and of yourself will make a huge difference in your life in comparison to the same way dragging through days, frowning and choosing to feel like shit over various things.

Karma? I see a lot of bad people do bad things to good people that don’t deserve it and get away with it, and then some, leading fulfilled lives of pleasure, joy and seemingly happiness.

You might say, “Well, that’s seemingly happiness… doesn’t mean they are happy on the inside”. — Doesn’t matter. I can’t even name one time I’ve ever seen ‘karma’ get after someone.

I’d rather have a stake in the ol’ positive energy/positive outcome and negative energy/negative outcome game, something you can control.

Just Don’t Stop

My sleep had been off almost for a week. One day that lasted too long, and I just couldn’t get back into the groove. Napping days turning into sleepless nights. Frustration set in. Its still off, but I’ve had enough.

Don’t be surprised when your rest kills the rest of your spirit. It bites into your day and what you can accomplish, even if you’re unemployed. There are 960 minutes in a 16 hour day, if you sleep for 8 hours. That’s 960 minutes to get your ass in gear. To work out, to look for work, to clean, to read, to do anything, but sit there and say “There’s nothing to do.” There is always something to do that improves your body and mind.

The biggest killer of motivation is inaction. When you slow, you falter. When you falter, you fall. I’ve worked a full 24 hours, slept for 4 and then gotten back up for another 12. I’ve come home sore and collapsed to get up and do it again. I’ve burned my body to the core before and I did it because there was something coming after. Always after.

When you’re stuck in a rut where you can’t go out, work, or whatever, remember that it’s just a bump. Its not a roadblock that ends the road you’re on. Any roadblock is a barrier YOU have put up for yourself. When you say “I can’t,” its no one else’s fault but your own. Climb, dig, tear that motherfucker down brick by brick if you have to. You can trip, get scraped up and cringe through pain, you can rest for minute, but don’t ever, ever stop going towards what you want.

What I Would Tell My 14-Year-Old Self (8 Years Later)

I remember hitting the age of 14 and starting to really think about the future. I would soon be driving, making the transition to high school, girls, jobs, sports, new people, new places, etc. The world was about to open up a little to me.

I remember thinking, “life will be better when I’m driving” or “life will be much cooler and more fun when I have a girlfriend or when I am 21 and I can drink,” etc. I always had this future destination in mind where life would suddenly be better and I would be this new, different, cooler person.

If I could talk to my 14-year-old self, I would tell him that there is no destination. There is no place that you get to in life where it just magically becomes wonderful. I would tell him to stop looking forward to events with such expectations and enjoy where you are at the present moment. In the past, when I looked so forward to those ‘events’ I totally missed what was right in front of me and I can’t get it back. Simple things.

In my experience (everyone’s is totally different), the only way to be happy in life is to live with minimal expectations and enjoy the little things in the present moment or at least try to. When we get caught in this cycle of looking to the future for some expectation, it often, way too often, brings total letdown. I found when I was able to enjoy the present moment more, I somewhat lost this feeling of “I need to be somewhere else doing something more exciting than this”. This thought is a constant, nagging one for all of us that should be overcome. It is key to peace of mind. It would be hard to explain this to my younger self, but it is so important and I see that now.

In my experience, life is about experiences. Not how much money you can make, how much shit you can own, etc. When you are aware of what is going on presently, you have better (for lack of a better word) experiences because you are more present to them. If your mind is always in the future, then you miss so much. I’ll be 22 in 24 days. I try — every day — not to strive to be ‘somewhere’ financially in the future. I see so many people out of high school and college striving to make six figures a year. Their mind is almost always on this. They get to their late 30s and early 40s, hit the six figure mark, look back and realize that nothing really has changed. It becomes a letdown. There is not destination or place to ‘get to’ for you to be happy. If you think of it like that, then there will always be somewhere else to go or something else to achieve. Don’t get me wrong, goals are great, but if you make six figures then you’ll strive to make seven. It is an endless cycle.

To sum it up and stop rambling, I would try to explain to my 14-year-old self that every hour, day, week is something to enjoy. This is no practice run. It will not come around again. Don’t seek to be out of high school or in college or out of college. Right now is all you have and this right now is not going to happen again. I have adopted this thought process and noticed that I started to enjoy small things on a daily basis. I enjoy speaking to my family members on the phone, I enjoy drinking coffee and watching the sun come up in the morning. I enjoy watching it rain. I enjoy eating dinner. I enjoy being outside. This may sound stupid, but it has changed my life. When you enjoy these things and stop taking them for granted because your mind is in the future, then you begin to enjoy life as it is overall.