Well, I Turned 22 Yesterday

I meant to write a post yesterday, but I was so tired by the end of the day I ended up going to bed at 9:50.

It was a pretty damn good birthday. Way better than last year, for sure. Last year, one of my friends came over on the 17th to watch Monday night football. He had a flat tire that night and just stayed here. The next morning, the 18th, turned into an exhaustingly horrible day that involved driving his mom (and her boyfriend) everywhere trying to get the related tools to fix the flat tire. On my birthday, I had to drive him to work and pick him up later that day (nobody else could do it). The drive to work and back? 20-25 miles, twice. And I had to drive through some shaky back roads that were out of town maintenance. Back roads involving one lane routes. In two words, it sucked.

That same friend? I haven’t saw him in four months. He’s ditched us (circle of friends) for the 46-year-old woman he’s in a relationship with (he’s just 23). Ah, that’s the way things go.

I thought about Bekki again. Couldn’t help it. I just wondered if she thought about me, since it was my birthday, y’know?

Onto more important, positive and better things: this weekend is going to be pretty awesome. Tomorrow night is UFC 165: Gustafsson/Jones for Jones’ Light Heavyweight title. I’m even more excited for that now since I know one of my friends will be off from work and ready to roll! On Sunday, my family is throwing me a birthday dinner. Well… Pizza Hut, KFC and a birthday cake from Dairy Queen or Food City. No complaining here. I’ve got an awesome life, honestly. A couple of good friends and a loving family. All is good. I’m thankful for that. I wouldn’t be shit without my mother or my aunt (my de facto second mother). I appreciate them more than I can truly express.

I’m glad to have been around for the last 22 years plus one day. I know I haven’t spent my time wisely in the last couple of years given how I’ve whined and sulked about and over things enough as is, but things are looking up. I do dread the upcoming winter, though, for various reasons. I’ll cover that soon enough.


Porn is Overrated

I’m not a big porn guy these days. I’m just not. Forced and fake moaning, choreographed sex between two people that aren’t even attracted to each other and only going after the mighty dollar, most of the guys are completely shaved and hairless, most of the women are completely shaved and hairless, and furthermore, the woman go the extra mile by having plastic surgery and many get their buttholes bleached pink. Just toutin’ facts.

But I’m not against porn. Watch it if you want — I don’t give a shit. Religious zealots turn my stomach just as much as radical feminists do. Porn can be nothing or it can be something. What I mean by that is, it can be 5-10 minutes of your day or it can be an hour or more of your day. If you are spending that much time (an hour or more) surfing porn, woe is you. You could be spending that time doing anything to be more productive. If you want to do it, great, but why not achieve the real thing with a real woman or real man? The real thing is better, anyway.

People are flipping out about the whole Miley Cyrus (who’s ugly as hell these days, sadly enough the crackhead Draco Malfoy of women) thing at the VMAs, but an article I read pointed out that most teens have saw worse from some goooooood ol’ porn.

I remember I first saw a glimpse of pseudo-porn back on Newgrounds in the year 1999-early 2000. I was between ages 8 and 9 back then. I saw a photoshopped picture of Britney Spears. Back then, I was hardcore into watching WWF/pro wrestling (known as the WWE today). Now, if you folks don’t know, it was very risque and crude back then with its female wrestlers. They wore scantily clad clothes and were promiscuous as hell. This played a psychological game in my head because even then at ages 9-11 I felt extreme sexual attraction and arousal towards diva wrestlers like Trish Stratus, Lita and eventually (2001-2002) Stacy Keibler and Torrie Wilson. I also, back then, also had a crush on Stephanie McMahon. I would scour the web looking for ‘nude pics’, y’know, which there were plenty of ‘fake ones’ around at the time.

By 2002 and 2003 I was watching full-blown porn. A lot of wild stuff I won’t even regale you, my readers, with. By 2005, the year I turned 14, I had delved into reading erotica and, secretly, began writing it.

Do I think it fucked me up? No, not really. I was just exposed pretty early, but that was my own doings because I wanted to.

“Smutler! Your parents should have set up a porn blocker or something! A filter! Why didn’t they?!” — they tried, but it didn’t matter. Anyone with a couple of brain cells can figure out how to bypass those filters, even kids, so it was easy to just create a new user account, download a new browser or find a way to access ‘invisible’ mode.

I don’t think porn itself fucks up people, but if you are a man or woman sitting around for hours and watching a lot of over-the-top porn, it’s easy to lose touch with reality. Desensitizing your dopamine receptors and excitotoxins in the pineal gland of your brain can do some long-term harm, too, but that’s only at the extreme end of porn, if you are watching it for a big chunk of your day.

Again, I’d like to say that there’s nothing inherently wrong with porn. If you think there is, get the fuck off my blog and preach your horseshit elsewhere. It can be a fantasy related escape, and it is for many. I’m more into erotica, which I reckon is also an escape. Everybody has some kind of escape in life, whether it’s a vice or whatever. But once it overtakes much of your time and you get these expectations about what this or that should be, and you see women as NOTHING MORE than sexual objects, your reality can be fucked up, skewed and it will difficult for you to maintain a healthy relationship.

I’ll disclose a fetish of mine to you, my readers. A natural desire. Call me a freak, but I love the natural smell of a woman. Yes, hygiene is a must, and I appreciate daily showers, but with my girlfriends of the past, I loved their natural scent, especially their thighs after a warm day and even their butts. Yes, yes, yes, you read that correctly: their butts. No, not the smell you are thinking of, but the natural scent of a woman’s butt, which contains more apocrine glands than men and thus contains more pheromones. Again, not the smell you are thinking of. With hygiene properly assured and taken care of, it’s a natural scent. But, here’s the thing, if you go out and get with a beautiful girl one day, with this fetish, and you bury your nose between her cheeks? Well, there’s a good possibility it won’t be the natural scent you are after, and it’s the other. That doesn’t mean her hygiene is porous, but it’s a freakin’ butthole. That’s why precautions and hygiene need to be accounted for in general, anyway. I always give the human beings I meet the benefit of the doubt of taking a shower every day. But not everything is peachy keen and roses. The same with anal sex and ass to mouth. Yeah… unless you get an enema, it will be dirty, but dirtiness is a part of sex, ladies and gentlemen. Sex is not a controlled experiment in a sterile lab, and pure sex is the best, but I’m just making a point here.

Two paragraphs ago I wrote (paraphrasing incoming) “you might begin to see women as nothing more than sexual objects”… first of all, biology makes it imperative for heterosexual men to see women they find attractive to be sex objects. Well, let me find a better term: sexually attractive. It’s reasonable. You can’t fight it. If I see a girl that I’m attracted to, I want to have sex with her. I’m sorry, but I do. Any heterosexual man with a healthy sex drive that says otherwise is a boldfaced liar. I don’t know how homosexual males feel, but I’d assume it’s similar? If anyone wants to chip in their 2 cents, that would be appreciated. But men and women are both human beings, with flaws, their own unique characteristics, lives, pasts, backgrounds, personalities, etc. But sexual attraction is merely that. Too many people whine and complain about this, that or the other, they make a big deal about shit that shouldn’t even be an issue, but looking at a woman and thinking, “My god, I’d love to fuck her” is different than treating her like a piece of meat. And if a heterosexual man with a healthy sex drive sees a woman he’s sexually attractive to and says he doesn’t think that, then again, he’s a fucking liar or asexual with a nonexistent sex drive.

I’ve veered off the beaten meat (I couldn’t help myself) path of porn.

Try going a week or more without porn. Hell, try not masturbating for a few days. Enjoy your voracious sex drive. A full, heavy pair of testicles will impel you to go out there and want to meet real women/men instead of sitting in front of a brightly lit screen at 1 in the morning, tugging your sex organ.

Attention, Women Who Have Hairy Vaginas!

Dear ladies,

Shaven or unshaven, I don’t give a fuck what you do with your vagina. Some men prefer bald ‘presentations’, others like a ‘patch’ or a full ‘bush’. Me? I don’t care. I simply don’t give a fuck. I hate to be so crude, but those are my feelings. I have a natural preference and attraction to want to be with a female that’s short and has thick thighs and a round butt, but I digress, as that’s another topic for another time.

One thing that grinds my gears is the idea that men only want women to shave their pubic hair so that they can fulfill some kind of perverted subconscious desire to sleep with a ‘prepubescent girl’. That may be true for an extremely small portion of the male population, but in reality those men just like shaved vaginas because they feel good!

Unshaven vaginas? To me, they feel good, too!

As a 22-year-old ‘young buck’, I don’t give a fuck! Perhaps we can discuss this, together, in a close encounter while in the shower.

Society has an unwritten stigma set on body hair nowadays, towards both genders, actually, that it’s ‘taboo’ to have some NATURAL body hair. I fully disagree with society’s little kinks. Fuck ‘em. Make your own paradigm work. There also is a myth out there that ‘body hair is unhygienic!’ which is plain silly. It’s called a shower, and everyone universally needs ‘em daily.

Short ladies with thick thighs and round butts that approve of body hair, you had me at ‘Hello’.

Further reading on my blog about this kind of topic:
Quit Making Men Feel Insecure Over Body Hair

— A 22-Year-Old Man’s Opinion on Women’s Body Hair

— Gillette’s Anti-Body Hair Advertisements

Guaranteed Ways for Men to Increase Testosterone Levels

I don’t think it is any secret that testosterone levels rise and fall with experiences. Winning, or dominating, raise the levels. Being subordinate lowers the level. I suspect just being confident, and having good posture, raises the level. Certainly, having sex with attractive women raises the level. Lifting weight or being active in general raises it. Eating a high fat diet will raise it.

I say these things above based on my own positive experiences. However, the testosterone increases that have been shown to have occurred following winning or watching a favorite sports team win is only a temporary boost that will last for about an hour compared to total testosterone and free testosterone balances. The hormone fluctuates during the day.

Being obese, a low level cubicle worker and/or subordinate/unconfident will very likely drop your testosterone.

There’s more than lifting weights and hitting on women, though. Start winning. Winning — at anything competitive — increases T.


What use are you if you never test your mettle and grow stronger? I guess it’s the “use it” or “lose it” effects of testosterone. Why should your pituitary and leydig cells in your testicles produce any if you aren’t going to be doing anything to require it?

A solid share of free time/hobbies should be spent competing. Healthy competition is, well, healthy. If you have to play a video game, play a skills-based video game where you are ranked. (It’s the difference between something like World of Warcraft — fairly non-competitive —and Starcraft — nerdy as it is, you are constantly reminded of your place in the rankings, and the better player will win).

Competition isn’t the be all, end all of everything, though.

— Lose fat. Especially belly fat, love handles and chest fat, all three being the worst fat for men.
— Avoid alcohol. If you must drink, limit yourself to once a month and don’t go overboard.
— Eat nuts. Almonds, pistachios and peanuts are my favorites. Brazil nuts are great, too, but treat them like a supplement due to high selenium content.
— Sautee your salads with extra virgin olive oil.
— Consider cooking with coconut oil.
— Eat red meat
— Take fish oil/omega-3 supplements unless you eat a lot of fish
— Hell… eat fish! I love salmon.
— take 5,000 to 10,000 IU of vitamin D3 daily.
— take 50mg of zinc picolinate a couple of times a week.
— Walk around. Be active.
— Lift weights. Or at the very least do bodyweight exercises.
— Steer your life towards a ‘productive’ orientation rather than a ‘consumptive’ one. Instead of continually consuming things for pleasure, create. Learn, innovate, grow, build and occasionally destroy. Stop relying purely on the productive labor of others, playing their video games, watching their art, eating their salty and sweet snack foods. Stop repeatedly tapping on your dopamine button like a cocaine addicted rat in a skinner box.
— Go out and start talking to women. After a 5 minute conversation with an attractive woman, male testosterone levels can increase up to 30% from baseline (relative to an increase of 13% for conversing with males). Just like what I said about competition and winning, this degree of testosterone increase is unlikely to exert any anabolic effect on muscle tissue, but can contribute to neurology.
— Be more social.

When you have higher testosterone levels, you’ll probably smell better to women.

Why Every Man Should Try “No Fap”

At least once.

The orgasm is one of the strongest behavioral reinforcement mechanisms — and forces in general — in the human body.

You are lying to yourself if you think there isn’t a major cascade of hormones and neurochemicals that are released from ejaculation, causing countless downstream effects including changes in metabolism, protein synthesis and gene on/off switches.

Honestly, the possibilities of “No Fap” aren’t well understood, but could potentially be VERY far reaching.

Beyond the extreme desensitization of dopamine receptors, androgen receptor down-regulation and the surge/constant elevated levels of prolactin, you could also argue that in terms of non-physical psychology, it’s equally bad.


In the realm of the mind, everything is relative. Constantly rewarding your psyche of its most primal desire with a fake substitute is the ultimate self-created short circuit in manhood. Think about it — everyone talks about how emasculated males are becoming… perhaps it has to do with how soft and easy of a life we live compared to our ancestors. But hey, I prefer plenty of things about this ‘easy’ life. Don’t get me wrong.

The most ‘beta’ thing a guy can do in real life? Not take action. It’s a guy being a lazy, desperate shell of himself resorting to sitting in a dark room, stroking away while watching people actually having sex. I’m not against masturbation; I’m not against porn. But too much of either is a bad thing, just like many things in life. Overindulgence is wasteful and nonsensical. I touched on that here: click.

Everybody Around Me is Getting Married — Why?

I probably would have been in this situation, too, if things with Bekki didn’t implode. I guess I should consider myself lucky, in ways, that they did implode, given what happened and how much worse it would have been if we’d gotten married, had kids and she’d fucked me over. That would be tremendous.

I have no desire to get married or have kids anytime soon. I’m a 22-year-old man that wants to go out and live his life, selfishly, before I give into that life. I could meet an incredible girl tomorrow that I’d have ridiculous chemistry with, and she might even be amazing in every way, and I’d want to wait 5-7 years, in a committed relationship, before deciding to get married. Those years would include patience, adversity, how we’d deal with adversity together and what it would be like living with each other to see how everything goes. That’s the way it should be. Every relationship should test those waters before moving further — y’know, make yourselves uncomfortable, see how the both of you react, and if you two are good at working through issues then there’s something at play. People think relationships are all about chemistry and trust, but you also need to have the mature ability to work through problems, which could be considered the number one key (at least in the top three) for a healthy relationship.

But hey, don’t mind me, I’m just a young buck trying to figure his life out, and it’s not like I’m exactly stable or anything. I’m still trying to get over a relationship that basically ended twice, in December 2010 and December 2011. So take what I say with a grain of salt, if you must.

On Saturday, June 15, 2013 I was hanging out with my lifelong best friend and de facto brother “T.O.” and Michael (my cousin Sarah’s husband that I look up to; he’s 43 and I respect the hell out of him). We’d spent that night watching the MMA pay-per-view UFC 161. That night, we were just chilling in the car, talking about life and women. T.O. has two daughters from two different girls. His current girlfriend, who’s baby momma #2, he’s set to get married to her next year and that will be a dire mistake on his part if he goes through with it since they rarely get along. But because he feels guilty about his relationship with his other girlfriend faltering, he feels like this will make up for things.

“You young bucks… in your 20s, with a life ahead of you… please, I beg of you, do this as safely as you can and with plenty of protection: get as much pussy as you can”.

That’s what Michael told the both of us. I’d never heard Michael say something like that before, so I was in “what the fuck?” mode. Now you, readers, might be thinking, “A 43-year-old dude said that?” Yep, a 43-year-old dude said that, and honestly, he’s right.


He’s basically saying to test the field, to go out and experience, meet women, meet a lot of women, and don’t limit yourself to one person as soon as you can. Go out, get into a relationship, enjoy it for what it is, but don’t drive yourself crazy.

Everybody should test the waters. Be loyal and honest in relationships, but don’t give yourself away to one girl if you two don’t click. I don’t believe in one true love — I believe there are several people in the world you can and will click with. Just my two cents.

It boggles my mind that everyone around me, at my age, seems to be rushing to get married. No hesitation. Michael’s son is 23, he has a son and is married as well. Michael told us about how he’s miserable with the way things are going, but can’t really get out of it.

It’s pretty interesting. Honestly, like I said, if my relationship with Bekki hadn’t been thrown away by her, she and I would have definitely been married by now, whether that’s a good or bad thing. Now? As of today, Friday, August 23, 2013, Bekki is apparently engaged to some random schmuck whom she had a baby daughter with back in January. Amazing. Speaking of August 23, this day four years ago in 2009, as I’ve written about before, was a Sunday, the night before the beginning of her sophomore year of high school and two nights before my first day of college. Feels like yesterday. So much has changed since then, for the worse. I deserve better, though, better than her. Any man and woman deserves better than a whiny, lying, cheating partner. I just think it’s wild that Bekki had the audacity to call herself someone who’s “not ready for a relationship, doesn’t know what she wants” and a “crazy person and bad person”, before hopping into a random relationship, getting pregnant, having a kid and getting engaged to the schmuck. Sad to see. She and I had the perfect chemistry before she decided to make a big deal about the fact that I’d been with two girls before her, decided to whine about it nonstop for months before cheating on me and hurting me worse than anybody has or will ever do so. I digress.

If I could wipe out my memory of Bekki and I of ever having a relationship with her, would I?

No. I wouldn’t. Because that first year with her, from July 2008 through September 2009 and some days of October 2009, was the greatest, most happiest time of my life (up to this point. Despite all of the bullshit she pulled on me, I’ll always love her. I can’t just change that like an on/off switch. I’ll always hope she’s safe and being well taken care of, I’ll always worry that she’s not and I’ll always miss her, the way she was during that first year of our relationship. And I’ll always hope that she still loves me inside. Maybe she hates me. Or maybe she’ll forget about me. Maybe she already has. Why do I even care? ‘Cause when you love somebody, you care, and if you don’t, then hey, you don’t love them and are able to feel neutral about someone.

Marriage is a lifetime commitment. I’m a “look ahead” thinker. This is what I told T.O. He’s a year older than me, but he makes some jackass-esque decisions based on this, that or the other. So many people get married just because they are in the moment, enjoying the moment and expecting that moment to be the same forever. No looking ahead at the future. That’s the Achilles’ heel of these quick relationships turning into full-blown marriages.

My cousin Winston is also a year older than me. At the age of 23, he’s been in a relationship with a 46-year-old women that has an 11-year-old son and 16-year-old daughter for almost two years now. They just moved in together back in April and I haven’t saw him in three months. I miss hanging out with the dude, too. Here’s another thing that happens to people: they ditch their friends and family in relationships. Hell, once upon a time I did it, shortsightedly, and paid the price later. I learned from that lesson, though, plus I was only 18 back then. But that 23-year age difference is fucking crazy. I guess you can’t help who you love, but man, that’s a tough one, considering that by the time he’s 30 she’ll be 53. Scary thought.

I guess I’m a new age anomaly, not wanting to marry or have kids yet. Right now, I want to spend money on myself and not diapers. Am I crazy or selfish? I don’t think so.

Dating Would Be A Lot Easier If We Just Sniffed

Dating is monotonous.


We go through all of this wining and dining to ultimately decide whether or not we want to fuck one another. Usually, I’d say 9 times out of 10, it’s the female making the decision as to whether or not she will allow the male to impale her vagina with his penis.

Dating would be a lot easier if we relied on pheromones. Pheromones are [subjectively] attractive. They emanate from our sweat; nasty, disgusting, dirty sweat is hot, y’know?

Men produce pheromones in their armpits and under their balls. Women produce copulins (pheromones) around their butts (apocrine and perianal glands) and in vaginal secretions.

How much easier would life be if we chose mates by males sniffing females’ asses and females sniffing males’ armpits.

Sex is a bit dirty (nothing wrong with that), and not some kind of controlled experiment in a sterile lab.

The world would be a lot less confusing if it were this way, and divorce rates would be a lot less drastic. Bank on it!